Hey guys. I’ve got some little paintings and drawings that I’ll want to put up pretty soon (maybe next weekend, depending on various minor factors.) However, I just wanted to get some things out in the open, in the interest of being the handsomely smug SOB that I am. I know a lot of you, particularly the more perceptive and genuinely underground types, have had some skepticism about my whole “artist” act for some time. Some may even have speculated that I’m a fifth column sleeper agent. Let me say right now that I work for the FBI. Unfortunately for our boys, the cocaine really does a good job of reversing a lot of societal conditioning and unconscious mental blinders.
In spite of that little stumbling block, I’ve just heard from the higher-ups – and here I get really unbelievably smug – that we’ve done so well, and can be so confident in our mission’s success, that I can share with you kids our key tactic. You guessed it. We put gays all through the culture to weaken it up.
Oh yeah. Planting gay moles left and right. Gettin’ fruity and queer all through the underground to sap your strength. Be honest, bro. Do you feel as much pure masculine energy as you used to? That’s an important component of a strong underground culture. We got gays in your punk scene. Your metal scene was nefariously infiltrated by fruity gay hipsters. Even all the traditional core-values rock scenes were getting made fruity in the patootie from day 1. What can you do about it. We’ve got the radio waves aimed at you to help limpen your wrists. Foil won’t even help anymore (try it, I invite you.) It’s crazy lez city over at the graffiti bridge. Hip hop held out the longest, but it’s going under in a big way, literally.
Oh, I’m smug. I got that government snark. You can use all your methods to gain knowledge of our tactics. But discerning our true allegiance and the fakeness of our tacked-on FBI brand identities, whether it’s through cocaine, rock music mentality, primitive homeopathic cave man life, super hardcore scum punk trash eating with fully on-board allies and bikes, or what-have-you- the douchy government power move of menacing homosexual sapping of your masculine energies and eventual getting of you to go to the homo side is just a fool-proof strategy that works every time to destroy vibrant culture. Yow! Baby. I love it.
So that brings us up to the present. With my presence declassified and our villainous mission considered a success, I’m planning on doing a little more art infiltration in KC, before basically packing up early November-ish and heading back to my true natural habitat- the Deep South. Specifically a posh neighborhood in New Orleans, city of old traditions, where a – ahum – unfortunate, purely natural disaster has decreased some elements, but others continue to thrive… There’s work for us FBI boys to do yet. But may I say, even though KC is now pretty much in our Babylonian grasp, that I’ve been really impressed by what a good fight you guys put up. It’s been a game well-met.